Home is where the heart is

My latest "adventure" is being homeless. Not homeless homeless... I have somewhere to stay... just that I couldn't find a new home before leaving the old one. I have a few maybes, I've applied for a rental, and who knows...

I have had bursts of activity and done lots of useful things. I feel a lot less stuck than previously. I do still have some stagnant areas but there is a lot more movement, much of which is productive in some way or another.

There have been some sad times, some very emotional times. There have been some OK times and good times.

It's interesting how simply giving myself permission to try some new things has indeed produced that result.

Careful what you wish for...

I am getting what I've been wishing for... in a sudden strange dramatic way. I wanted to move out. And now I'm forced to move out. Sooner than I'd expected. The Universe really wants me out.

It's scary and painful and perhaps I'll look back at this time (well off in the future) and laugh...

Hmmmph, I also wanted adventure, did I not? Well, I am receiving it in abundance!

Saving daylight

In the last blog entry I mentioned a bout of craziness. Well. Since then things have been even more crazy. It's adventures I wanted and it's adventures I've been getting. So, much activity.

And *ahem* I am announcing that I will be moving house again. I haven't found one yet but withing the next one to two months I will be moving. Ideally I'd like to be in my new home by mid-January.

I had planned to have a holiday in late Feb and will be still aiming for that and doing my best to bring in more income. I'm also learning strategies to deal with the emotions that go along with all this change. And discovering how stress affects my sleeping and well-being. I've started yoga classes. I'm eating better. I've made debt arrangements. I've made some purchases on things I've been wanting. I've given away things I don't need. I've lost a couple of kilos.

I'm still scared of the unknown at times. My family and friends have been extremely supportive. I know I'll cope with whatever comes my way.

Dolphins

It's crazy-time and I've got lots on.

I've finished moving and am starting to settle in (in-between frantic bouts of activity). I'm trying to get my internet happening and discovering that you need to already have internet in order to connect to another internet plan... quite frustrating!

I've been having many on-road adventures.

I've been to parties, visited with family and friends, been on a short holiday.

I've swum in the ocean and seen dolphins playing. Lots of dolphins. Playing. Amazing :0

I did my tax and had a pleasant surprise.

I've made some new big purchases and taken other things to the op-shop.

I'm off to a new yoga class this evening.

Cheerio then x

Mini-break

Well, I'd say the last fortnight has been one long adventure. Moving house. Now I'm off on a mini-break and ignoring the unpacking. It can wait. I'll be without internet for a little while but will record anything of note to put online later.

It doesn't feel like I'm on holidays yet... probably cos I'll spend the next 5 hrs organising and packing. Once I leave tomorrow morning I'll imagine the wind in my hair blowing me to my next destination and leaving my cares behind.

Here's to looking after myself!

A taxing move

I'm moving and it's chaos in both houses. Wishing I had more time, a few days off in a row... rather than half a day here, half a day there, and the odd hour or two. Oh, it'll get done, I'll be all moved and less a lot of rubbish and things I don't need, all organised, settled...

It's also tax time. I've left it to the last minute.

*Cough* back to packing or tax or working it is.

Feeling adventurous?

I'm constantly learning about myself. Lately I'm delving into my feelings and emotions. I have a feeling it will serve me in my search for change and adventure (and will be useful in general). It's interesting and uncomfortable yet I will persist.

I'm not in my new abode yet. It's still happening but dates have changed a little. I've gone through some belongings and thrown some of them out... and realising if I'd done that months earlier I would have had so much more room! I'm reminding myself of how little space I'll have at the new house and to be ruthless in deciding what to get rid of. Also, it will save me time and effort if I cull now.

I'm planning a little weekend away. I was going to go at the end of October but think I'll move it up to my first weekend off in November. I'll be integrated in the new house by then and ready for an adventure.

Finding time

I waste a lot of time. It's habitual. I'm a chronic time waster. And this has to change. Now. My newest adventure is to make the most of each day. To cut out things that don't serve me. I read something once... that a behaviour doesn't need hours of analysis to change. A new action can create a new habit in an instant.

I stayed by myself in a low-technology house last night, had a pleasant evening, 10 hrs of sleep and awoke this morning refreshed and positive. I need more of that.

Friday fun

Wow, I really left you hanging with that last entry...

The flat I looked at was not suitable. I'm moving out in two weeks into the place I originally came across. So it's all on and all happening.

I've been rather a bit tired. Exhausted. I've got a big three days of work coming up and psyching up for that. That I feel the need to mentally and physically prepare for this kind of work makes me think that I'd be better to choose work that actually suits me... And I am focusing on that. I think the move is a higher priority at the moment. I'm starting to clean up and pack. Chaos.

So what adventures have I had or created in this past week? I've read a book that describes the principles of change and making things happen. I've been meditating. I've been accepting and manifesting work. And I've started planning a trip down south early next year and have decided to take 2-3 weeks off and have a real holiday. Now I'll start putting that in place, perhaps looking for some workshops. I'll visit some places I've never been to and combine some activities with friends. I'm starting to really look forward to the trip, to the adventure. And now with this goal it gives me something to work towards.

I'm happy. I have a lot to do today. Yay for busy Friday!

Thrill me

Quite by accident I came across somewhere else I would like to live... would love to live... potentially...

I'll know more tomorrow...

Lately my life is like the plot of a movie - twists and turns and surprises and it's only the first act!

I've been to a "success" workshop and found it enormously helpful. I've been meditating. I've managed to catch-up with people along the way. And come across another little bit of work.

I feel great.

I don't know exactly what's in store for me.

The thrill of adventures.

Invariables

I didn't attend the seminar after all. After my realisation that I could coax myself to try new things, I reached a state of calm and accepted that I would just have to wait to know what I would do on the weekend. I had some half-hearted offers for one shift. It wasn't to be. I worked and made some good money and had some ideas to bring in more money, and to challenge myself to try new things. Around work I also spent some much-needed time with my fella.

Already I've been 'sort of' asked to go away on my next big weekend of work. See, most of the time I have one weekend on, one weekend off. I have cut back but have been filling-in for others. And invariably, social activities fall on the 'on' weekend. At least I have warning and time to find replacements for next fortnight... if I choose to go... this trip would cost money... and be purely for entertainment... I'm not sure about it...

It's becoming clear that if I want to have a social life I need to find work on week DAYS rather than weekends.

And the answer to that is to... move to a new location? Get away from the tourism industry? Hmmm...

This week I plan to go through my stuff and get ready to move! And do a bit of paperwork or start my tax return etc. Oh, and have a couple of adventures too :)

Three days

I mentioned to my boyfriend on Monday night that I was interested in doing some workshops, so could he look out for some I might like. The very next morning he was invited (meaning I was invited) to a three day event this coming weekend about creating success in all areas of your life. It took all of 10 seconds for me to go into a panic. I was still panicking this morning...

But I'll have to give up working this weekend, and that's my major source of income for the next fortnight?!
But I have financial targets to meet, can I really let this work go?!
But I'm about to move out - I need to save money, not spend it!
But how will I even find someone to cover the work at such short notice?!
But I have a deadline to get a story finished and sent off and I need Friday to get it done!
But how will eat cheaply, healthily and spend frugally while I'm there?!
But where will I sleep (it's too far to go home)?!
But how will I get 8-9 hrs of sleep each night and not be tired all day (it goes from 9am till 10:30 pm each day)?!
But how will I exercise (I've just started losing those few extra kilos and just enjoy being active every day and am feeling bad at doing no exercise last weekend)?!
But how will I do all those other chores/tasks that need doing?!
But I went away last weekend and had fun without exercising, working, not doing tasks and chores, spending money... but I want to catch up and get my routine back - not another weekend in a row!
But I'll have to postpone a meeting which I've already put back once already?!
But a friend is having a BBQ this weekend because I told her I could go!
But how will I even enjoy/get the most out of the seminar when it's stressing me this much?!

Have I mentioned that I get anxious when it comes to making decisions?

As I hung out my wet washing to dry I reminded myself that it was OK for me to feel panicked and anxious. I told myself it was OK, that any choice I made was OK. I am always allowed to feel whatever I am feeling.

I thought about my goal of having adventures. I know what my weekend would be like if I stayed. I'd make some money, get tired from working, perhaps be disappointed at not getting enough work. I'd fit in my exercise, chores and probably procrastinate doing other tasks. I wouldn't struggle to find replacements for work or change appointments or feel bad for missing a party. But I would feel safe.

I thought of what would happen if I went to the seminar. I may think it was a waste of time... but it's only three days. I'd get to spend time with my boyfriend before he went away, I'd try something I was uncomfortable with, I'd get to experience having faith that the Universe would provide for my needs and discover what it's like to get closer to my last few dollars. Perhaps I'd discover a way to get a bit of exercise. Perhaps I'll find a suitable accommodation and bring all my own food. Perhaps I'll get all the sleep I need. Perhaps I'll really enjoy the talks. Perhaps I'll have a breakthrough enabling me to generate income immediately in a new way. Perhaps my life will change. Perhaps I'll lose my anxiety!!!

I've booked the tickets – they were free... and after all, this is my year of adventures – and sought replacements for work. I figure it's meant to be if I can find someone to work for me. It is only for three days. I can cope with whatever happens in that time.

Moving On

It all happened last week... it seems I've found a new home... I'm a little bit apprehensive... it doesn't seem absolutely perfect... yet it will be okay... and will be easy to leave if required... and it may even be an excellent arrangement. I will know more in the the next day or two, whether it will really go ahead. I'm thinking to just jump in and take it... even though it doesn't seem like the perfect arrangement. It doesn't seem worse than where I am now, rather better actually. So, I will take the plunge and move on.

And moving right along...

I've realised lately that my dreams and goals are wishy-washy. I don't have a burning desire to do only one thing, rather to do several things reasonably well. I've never known of one thing that drives me. It's more that I make choices or, er, let them be made for me. And I just get by. My question is, how do you know or learn what you want? Experimenting and exploring seem to be the only way I can get close to knowing. I came across a piece of writing last night stating that when you feel inspired to do something you need to act there and then when your emotions are still high... to avoid the Law of Diminishing Intent, that this is a form of discipline. I can be disciplined! I can achieve and learn and record it all. And, if I or any reader learn something, then it will all have been worthwhile.

The dam breaks

Sometimes, when I take some sort of action, it feels like a dam breaks and everything rushes out of control. I'm looking at sharehouses. Suddenly they're everywhere and all need looking at at once and following-up at once, and occur at times when I'm busy to start with. Today has been frantic with running around all over the place all day. There have also been a few surprises, some unexpected options. No house seems “perfect” yet. I don't know whether that's because nothing's perfect or because they're not right for me. I feel exhausted, though I've managed to fit-in a lot today. Is there an easier, less stressful way of making things happen???

Thinking

"It's like you're just waiting for money [and work and all those other things you want] to come to you!!!"

Me: Thinking, Oh? Is that not how it works???

I know stacks of people who are not getting what they want. Jobless, relationship-less, friendless, childless, health-less, penniless etc. etc. I'm coming to the realisation that there must be something these people are not doing that People Who Succeed are doing. Of course I fall into the not doing category. It's funny because I think I'm doing, but I'm starting to think that really I'm just thinking. Or I'm doing different things to ones that would achieve success. So I am getting clear in my aim to try different tactics or to take advice from people who do succeed. Perhaps I'll read an Anthony Robbins book or talk to some people. Or go out and experiment with different things, even if they feel strange to me, even if I don't like it initially. To dare to try something new. Oh, and I'm still allowed to think... and follow-up with action.

I made some purchases today. I have bills to pay. And I also have money coming in to me. It flows in and out. Now to do those things that have more cash flowing in than out!

Peregrine

This change/grow/have adventures idea of mine is just not going to be easy for me. Already I've had a big argument because I didn't want to make a phone call. I'm battling against an extremely stubborn astrological sign, a family trait and a particularly strong personal characteristic. Just because I've decided I want adventure and change doesn't mean I won't resist it. I need to remind myself to try the alternative, to try something different to what I usually do. I made that phone call... to prove that I was right... and in anger. That's not how I want to approach these adventures. I want them to be fun and as wondrous as can be. To be filled with possibility and potential. Perhaps I'll be more open when I'm not pre-menstrual...

I have taken some extra work temporarily which means a bit more income. I've decided what days I'm available to take on a regular part-time/casual job. And I'm making more decisions about where I want and need to live and how much money I will need.

I vacuumed my car this morning (I would have washed it but the water restrictions prohibit hosing cars and I'm too lazy to use a bucket today). Also, I finally christened it. I've decided to name my car Peregrine because the name is about travelling and change (it's in a blog – it must be true!) Welcome, Perry, to my life :)

Suggest an adventure

Is there some activity or place you think I absolutely must adventure to in the next year?

Can I come and see/help you work for a day? (I'm accessible to Sydney and its surrounds, further if I'm paid!)

Do you want to give me things?

Do you have your own adventure story you want me to post?

Do you have any other suggestions?

Write a suggestion in the comments or send me an email (the link is provided in my profile).

Note: Remember the 'rules' are
1. I'm limited by time, money and location
2. Nothing illegal
3. I will decide if I will take on your adventure

Wishlist of Adventures

There will be limits to the number and types of adventures I will be having. One concern is my lack of income. One of my adventure-goals is to pay off all debts. I will definitely be working in this time. And most likely remaining in my current location for at least the next 6 months. My adventures will need to be close to home or for shortish periods of time. However, my work can be flexible (once it is more firmly established or with the right connections). Going away for a month, even two or three is not impossible if I can work along the way or have the means to do so. I don't have kids or a mortgage so with a few relatively small increases in income I have a lot of liberties.

I will not be taking part in anything illegal. This rule may be bent if it involves activism or something unjust or a really really good reason. I won't be experimenting with drugs or prostitution or crime.

I will consider other people's suggestions of adventures to try. I'll choose ones that sound interesting or achievable and that I have the time and money to do.

This list is not comprehensive. I'll update it throughout the year.

Adventures to be had

Regularly do little things that are scary me (so that I can move on)
Be debt-free
Move to a new house (my dream is to actually own my own home)
Grow and expand my business (I've kept it going, it's a start)
Eat vegetables that I have grown (do herbs count?)
Do some work for charity
Run in the next City to Surf
Learn a song on guitar
Learn 10 songs on guitar
Spend at least a week holidaying someplace warm where I can laze on the beach, fish, walk, read and relax
Go skiing (I haven't been in 14 years)
Do a two-day bushwalk that involves camping overnight
A trip to the Hunter Valley (a girls trip?)
Spend a week WWOOFing (on the way)
Workshops and further education
A 3 month trial of vegetarianism (I have been vegetarian in the past)
A trial of daily meditation (update - I'm doing about 2-3 days a week now which is an improvement!)

Things I want to have

One or two sets of decent business clothing
Some new clothes - jeans, pants, shirts, bras etc.
Furniture to go with my house
Household objects and appliances such as cutlery, saucepans DVD/VCR player
A laptop (I'm using an ancient Pentium II)

Resistance

Change is not something that I enjoy or indulge. I'll use any excuse to stay exactly where I am whilst simultaneously wishing things were better. I find it difficult to pick a course of action. When nothing feels right, do you just do something? Just so that you're moving? Or is it better to wait? And what am I waiting for exactly? What if my desired outcome doesn't exist? These are tough questions, the kind of questions that keep me awake at night. And that keep me stuck. Now that I'm having adventures I'll be on the look out for ways to prompt me into action. Deadlines tend to help. When I absolutely have to act, I will. But it's a very stressful way to go about things. There must be a better way.

I am trying, however. Last night a friend dropped around and I spontaneously invited him for dinner. Then, when close to serving my yummy dinner, I had an invite to go out and see the lunar eclipse from a lookout. That was a bit too much spontaneity for me and I grumbled and grizzled about how the partial eclipse had already started and I'd already made plans and that dinner was almost ready and that I didn't want to miss the actual full eclipse moment (it was only half an hour away). It took my boyfriend 10 mins to talk me into going. And after I'd stopped resisting and being difficult, it was a fun adventure, more memorable than watching the moon from my backyard.

It just hit me that I have a whole year of adventures in store for me. Let's hope they come a little more easily as the days pass!

The mission

I started to wonder how it would be to find meaning, a purpose, a home, income, to have adventures. I was a person who liked to try things before deciding. Perhaps I could actually make it a goal to try different things. Perhaps I could find some answers or at least things I could live with. Perhaps I could give myself a timeframe. A year sounded like a good amount of time; it's not too long but a lot can be achieved. A year is measurable. I could have bucketloads of adventures in that time. Yes, an experiment. A yearlong adventure. None of my adventures need be permanent, I could simply give things a go. A year is safe. A year is made for miracles. At the end of the yearlong adventures I would put my learnings together into a book or report. I would also keep a regular blog of my adventures over the next year.

I wrote my idea down on scraps of paper (yes, I carried them with me on my walk in case I had any realisations).

That very same day (yesterday, in fact) I started the blog.

Back then

I'm stuck, you see? Confused, broke (actually in debt), aimless. And really and truly stuck. I need to move house, make some income, work on certain commitments... but I am lost as to how. And the what, where, when and which of it just gives me a headache. It seems that everyone around me has an opinion on what I should do. I've been told I simply need to be clear about what I want. What I want. That word... want. I want it to be easy and for a solution to appear. I'm open to different things. I thought I had decided on where and what I wanted to live in. Then some new information came to light which not only confused me further but cost me $70. I still am playing with different careers and trying them on for size. It's in my horoscope; apparently I'm meant to be indecisive. However, this is just ridiculous! My mind changes from day to day, month to month. And to top it all off, I'm almost 30. Obviously, Saturn is playing tricks on me!

The last few days were dark days. I went spiralling into a miserable hopeless state. I felt alone. I felt I had taken a huge step backwards. I felt powerless. I went for a walk in the night and cried and cried and cried. What was the point of my life and in fact, of everything?

This morning, however, I saw the signs of Spring. I meditated and visualised, I drew Angel cards in answer to certain questions. My positive hopeful feelings were returning. I went for a walk and listened to rushing water and to birds calling and feeding. I thought of what was going on, or rather not going on, in my life. I thought of the future.

I had an idea.