Money

Money, money, money. Need some. Fast. There must be a reason for my being in this situation. To trust? To take action? To learn? I wonder if there is a way I can make it fun? I wake up drained so it's hard to imagine doing more. Perhaps it's working more effectively rather than harder? Ugh, I'm feeling lost and a bit hopeless. I am putting out for a particular amount of bonus income to come to me. Part of me doesn't believe it will happen. But I will keep on at it. I have been imagining all the fun I'll have with that amount. And it feels good.

To be a Hippie

My bank balance is the lowest it has been in... well, since I've been looking after my own money. It's um, terrifying. I've been panicking. Depressed. Then I started visualising. It is working. I am still confused and worried. I am going on one of my biggest adventures as an adult. I will be travelling for oh, about 4 mths next year. I am S-C-A-R-E-D. I like to be working towards something. I like routine (although at the moment I don't have a routine). I like to have money. I have three months to save up enough money to pay my tax and take care of any expenses while we are away. Hmmmm..... I can't say no to going. It will be a challenge but I would never have done it otherwise. My bf will be with me. I need to learn to drive a manual before going. Sit the exam if I can do it in time. And tie-up all loose ends. Eeek!

Lifelong Adventure

I did go away for three weeks, came home and worked for a week, away for another week. All of my trips have been challenging due to my reluctance to be away from home and on the move. And also, there have been restrictions in the way I have travelled and with my travel compantions. I have seen and done some wonderful things. I have also tolerated a lot of things. I would like to be more embracing of experiences, rather than putting up with them... especially special trips overseas. I suppose that's OK too. It's who I am.

And now that I'm home again... well, an even bigger adventure is on the cards... one that I did not plan or foresee until a couple of months ago. I panicked, of course! And now I'm questioning if it's right for me. And also seeing if it is possible to actually take place.

It seems that if you have a goal to experiment and try new things at the back of your mind... well, it happens. I did want to have more control over the things I was trying... actually choosing experiences that I would like and wanted to do... still working on this. They still seem to be coming from outside of myself and more random and uncontrolled than is preferable.

It's been more than a year... perhaps I should change the blog title to Lifelong Adventure?

Countdown

The countdown to the year has begun. Around the anniversary of when I started this blog I will be leaving for a three week holiday overseas which presented itself to me by good fortune. So much has changed, so little has changed. I have adventured. I have explored. Whether I have learned mountains of wisdoms and life lessons remains yet to be seen.

A new train of thought

Wow, it's almost July. I've lived on my own for 6 mths now. My latest adventure is that I fell pregnant and miscarried. It has put things into perspective. I have reassessed what is important in my life.

A while back I became frustrated with my adventures. It didn't feel satisfying to do things simply to try them out. I often felt panicked and resistant. I've since done some reading. Apparently I can control and choose my adventures according to what feels good. See, I've been lacking the emotional balance in my travels. And I must admit that I've not been thinking so much of adventures lately.

I have been making plans though. It's just that my thinking and terminology is slightly different. I'm going overseas in a few months. This came about unexpectedly. I'm saving what I can and believing that I'll get the money that I require. My career and employment is turning around. I've been unsatisfied with some of the aspects of my job and am veering off on a slightly different tangent. It's scary. But necessary. I'm making life plans with my partner. It looks like I'll be moving in the next 6 mths. I may even move to a different part of the world.

So my new tactic is to do what makes me feel good. It feels better to have this thought and that is a start. We shall see how it all unfolds.

Give in

The trip was stressful and fun and exhausting and exciting. I had expectations. Camping was different to those expectations. I think I need to go away more often. And just allow the trip to unfold, to give in. Hmmm, it's a lot to ask. Relax. Let go. Give in. Bye.

Holiday!!!

Well, I'm off first thing in the morning. My luggage has already begun its journey... I catch up with it in the afternoon. I'm equally dreading and looking forward to the trip... seems a strange mix... but, y'know, I'm pretty resistant to the unknown...

So, I'll be seeing yas in a few weeks.