Lifelong Adventure

I did go away for three weeks, came home and worked for a week, away for another week. All of my trips have been challenging due to my reluctance to be away from home and on the move. And also, there have been restrictions in the way I have travelled and with my travel compantions. I have seen and done some wonderful things. I have also tolerated a lot of things. I would like to be more embracing of experiences, rather than putting up with them... especially special trips overseas. I suppose that's OK too. It's who I am.

And now that I'm home again... well, an even bigger adventure is on the cards... one that I did not plan or foresee until a couple of months ago. I panicked, of course! And now I'm questioning if it's right for me. And also seeing if it is possible to actually take place.

It seems that if you have a goal to experiment and try new things at the back of your mind... well, it happens. I did want to have more control over the things I was trying... actually choosing experiences that I would like and wanted to do... still working on this. They still seem to be coming from outside of myself and more random and uncontrolled than is preferable.

It's been more than a year... perhaps I should change the blog title to Lifelong Adventure?

Give in

The trip was stressful and fun and exhausting and exciting. I had expectations. Camping was different to those expectations. I think I need to go away more often. And just allow the trip to unfold, to give in. Hmmm, it's a lot to ask. Relax. Let go. Give in. Bye.

Home is where the heart is

My latest "adventure" is being homeless. Not homeless homeless... I have somewhere to stay... just that I couldn't find a new home before leaving the old one. I have a few maybes, I've applied for a rental, and who knows...

I have had bursts of activity and done lots of useful things. I feel a lot less stuck than previously. I do still have some stagnant areas but there is a lot more movement, much of which is productive in some way or another.

There have been some sad times, some very emotional times. There have been some OK times and good times.

It's interesting how simply giving myself permission to try some new things has indeed produced that result.

Careful what you wish for...

I am getting what I've been wishing for... in a sudden strange dramatic way. I wanted to move out. And now I'm forced to move out. Sooner than I'd expected. The Universe really wants me out.

It's scary and painful and perhaps I'll look back at this time (well off in the future) and laugh...

Hmmmph, I also wanted adventure, did I not? Well, I am receiving it in abundance!

Saving daylight

In the last blog entry I mentioned a bout of craziness. Well. Since then things have been even more crazy. It's adventures I wanted and it's adventures I've been getting. So, much activity.

And *ahem* I am announcing that I will be moving house again. I haven't found one yet but withing the next one to two months I will be moving. Ideally I'd like to be in my new home by mid-January.

I had planned to have a holiday in late Feb and will be still aiming for that and doing my best to bring in more income. I'm also learning strategies to deal with the emotions that go along with all this change. And discovering how stress affects my sleeping and well-being. I've started yoga classes. I'm eating better. I've made debt arrangements. I've made some purchases on things I've been wanting. I've given away things I don't need. I've lost a couple of kilos.

I'm still scared of the unknown at times. My family and friends have been extremely supportive. I know I'll cope with whatever comes my way.

Finding time

I waste a lot of time. It's habitual. I'm a chronic time waster. And this has to change. Now. My newest adventure is to make the most of each day. To cut out things that don't serve me. I read something once... that a behaviour doesn't need hours of analysis to change. A new action can create a new habit in an instant.

I stayed by myself in a low-technology house last night, had a pleasant evening, 10 hrs of sleep and awoke this morning refreshed and positive. I need more of that.

Friday fun

Wow, I really left you hanging with that last entry...

The flat I looked at was not suitable. I'm moving out in two weeks into the place I originally came across. So it's all on and all happening.

I've been rather a bit tired. Exhausted. I've got a big three days of work coming up and psyching up for that. That I feel the need to mentally and physically prepare for this kind of work makes me think that I'd be better to choose work that actually suits me... And I am focusing on that. I think the move is a higher priority at the moment. I'm starting to clean up and pack. Chaos.

So what adventures have I had or created in this past week? I've read a book that describes the principles of change and making things happen. I've been meditating. I've been accepting and manifesting work. And I've started planning a trip down south early next year and have decided to take 2-3 weeks off and have a real holiday. Now I'll start putting that in place, perhaps looking for some workshops. I'll visit some places I've never been to and combine some activities with friends. I'm starting to really look forward to the trip, to the adventure. And now with this goal it gives me something to work towards.

I'm happy. I have a lot to do today. Yay for busy Friday!

Invariables

I didn't attend the seminar after all. After my realisation that I could coax myself to try new things, I reached a state of calm and accepted that I would just have to wait to know what I would do on the weekend. I had some half-hearted offers for one shift. It wasn't to be. I worked and made some good money and had some ideas to bring in more money, and to challenge myself to try new things. Around work I also spent some much-needed time with my fella.

Already I've been 'sort of' asked to go away on my next big weekend of work. See, most of the time I have one weekend on, one weekend off. I have cut back but have been filling-in for others. And invariably, social activities fall on the 'on' weekend. At least I have warning and time to find replacements for next fortnight... if I choose to go... this trip would cost money... and be purely for entertainment... I'm not sure about it...

It's becoming clear that if I want to have a social life I need to find work on week DAYS rather than weekends.

And the answer to that is to... move to a new location? Get away from the tourism industry? Hmmm...

This week I plan to go through my stuff and get ready to move! And do a bit of paperwork or start my tax return etc. Oh, and have a couple of adventures too :)

Three days

I mentioned to my boyfriend on Monday night that I was interested in doing some workshops, so could he look out for some I might like. The very next morning he was invited (meaning I was invited) to a three day event this coming weekend about creating success in all areas of your life. It took all of 10 seconds for me to go into a panic. I was still panicking this morning...

But I'll have to give up working this weekend, and that's my major source of income for the next fortnight?!
But I have financial targets to meet, can I really let this work go?!
But I'm about to move out - I need to save money, not spend it!
But how will I even find someone to cover the work at such short notice?!
But I have a deadline to get a story finished and sent off and I need Friday to get it done!
But how will eat cheaply, healthily and spend frugally while I'm there?!
But where will I sleep (it's too far to go home)?!
But how will I get 8-9 hrs of sleep each night and not be tired all day (it goes from 9am till 10:30 pm each day)?!
But how will I exercise (I've just started losing those few extra kilos and just enjoy being active every day and am feeling bad at doing no exercise last weekend)?!
But how will I do all those other chores/tasks that need doing?!
But I went away last weekend and had fun without exercising, working, not doing tasks and chores, spending money... but I want to catch up and get my routine back - not another weekend in a row!
But I'll have to postpone a meeting which I've already put back once already?!
But a friend is having a BBQ this weekend because I told her I could go!
But how will I even enjoy/get the most out of the seminar when it's stressing me this much?!

Have I mentioned that I get anxious when it comes to making decisions?

As I hung out my wet washing to dry I reminded myself that it was OK for me to feel panicked and anxious. I told myself it was OK, that any choice I made was OK. I am always allowed to feel whatever I am feeling.

I thought about my goal of having adventures. I know what my weekend would be like if I stayed. I'd make some money, get tired from working, perhaps be disappointed at not getting enough work. I'd fit in my exercise, chores and probably procrastinate doing other tasks. I wouldn't struggle to find replacements for work or change appointments or feel bad for missing a party. But I would feel safe.

I thought of what would happen if I went to the seminar. I may think it was a waste of time... but it's only three days. I'd get to spend time with my boyfriend before he went away, I'd try something I was uncomfortable with, I'd get to experience having faith that the Universe would provide for my needs and discover what it's like to get closer to my last few dollars. Perhaps I'd discover a way to get a bit of exercise. Perhaps I'll find a suitable accommodation and bring all my own food. Perhaps I'll get all the sleep I need. Perhaps I'll really enjoy the talks. Perhaps I'll have a breakthrough enabling me to generate income immediately in a new way. Perhaps my life will change. Perhaps I'll lose my anxiety!!!

I've booked the tickets – they were free... and after all, this is my year of adventures – and sought replacements for work. I figure it's meant to be if I can find someone to work for me. It is only for three days. I can cope with whatever happens in that time.

Moving On

It all happened last week... it seems I've found a new home... I'm a little bit apprehensive... it doesn't seem absolutely perfect... yet it will be okay... and will be easy to leave if required... and it may even be an excellent arrangement. I will know more in the the next day or two, whether it will really go ahead. I'm thinking to just jump in and take it... even though it doesn't seem like the perfect arrangement. It doesn't seem worse than where I am now, rather better actually. So, I will take the plunge and move on.

And moving right along...

I've realised lately that my dreams and goals are wishy-washy. I don't have a burning desire to do only one thing, rather to do several things reasonably well. I've never known of one thing that drives me. It's more that I make choices or, er, let them be made for me. And I just get by. My question is, how do you know or learn what you want? Experimenting and exploring seem to be the only way I can get close to knowing. I came across a piece of writing last night stating that when you feel inspired to do something you need to act there and then when your emotions are still high... to avoid the Law of Diminishing Intent, that this is a form of discipline. I can be disciplined! I can achieve and learn and record it all. And, if I or any reader learn something, then it will all have been worthwhile.

The dam breaks

Sometimes, when I take some sort of action, it feels like a dam breaks and everything rushes out of control. I'm looking at sharehouses. Suddenly they're everywhere and all need looking at at once and following-up at once, and occur at times when I'm busy to start with. Today has been frantic with running around all over the place all day. There have also been a few surprises, some unexpected options. No house seems “perfect” yet. I don't know whether that's because nothing's perfect or because they're not right for me. I feel exhausted, though I've managed to fit-in a lot today. Is there an easier, less stressful way of making things happen???

Thinking

"It's like you're just waiting for money [and work and all those other things you want] to come to you!!!"

Me: Thinking, Oh? Is that not how it works???

I know stacks of people who are not getting what they want. Jobless, relationship-less, friendless, childless, health-less, penniless etc. etc. I'm coming to the realisation that there must be something these people are not doing that People Who Succeed are doing. Of course I fall into the not doing category. It's funny because I think I'm doing, but I'm starting to think that really I'm just thinking. Or I'm doing different things to ones that would achieve success. So I am getting clear in my aim to try different tactics or to take advice from people who do succeed. Perhaps I'll read an Anthony Robbins book or talk to some people. Or go out and experiment with different things, even if they feel strange to me, even if I don't like it initially. To dare to try something new. Oh, and I'm still allowed to think... and follow-up with action.

I made some purchases today. I have bills to pay. And I also have money coming in to me. It flows in and out. Now to do those things that have more cash flowing in than out!